IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON!
By Jona Nanette / November 6, 2019
So...I was sitting in the Popeye’s drive thru waiting on my chicken sandwich, and I got an alert on my phone. When I looked down, I saw that my ex-boyfriend had sent me a CashApp request for $5. I immediately laughed cause I knew that
1) He did not need the money
b) He was trolling me trying to get a response.
See, he no longer has access to me and while a lot of men would try to SEND MONEY to get their ex’s attention...HE KNEW! Send me money if you want to; I’m just going to CASH OUT and keep it moving! He wanted me to ask him WTW, thus starting a conversation where he would slip in how much he missed me... blah blah blah, and don’t nobody got any time for that!
That’s how you know that your future is ready, when your past wants you back! So many of us can’t receive what God is trying to do in this season, because our hands are still full holding on to what He has tried to deliver us from three seasons ago. We pray for “God to bless us and give us new”, but you ain’t fooling nobody baby. You don’t want new. You want that old thing to suddenly “work out”. And that’s why you’re stuck, going round and round like an old record on a DJ’s turntable. It’s time to LET IT GO! Don’t look back...don’t respond, not even to “go off”. They are no longer worth it. Don't cancel your future trying to get even with your past. It’s ok that they miss you. It’s ok that you sometimes miss them, too, but that doesn’t mean that “you belong together”. That chapter in the book of your life is over; I know it was a really good chapter, too. Or maybe it was a horrible one. Either way it doesn't matter. If you want to know how the story ends...you have to MOVE ON!
"The Scarlet Letter"
By Jona Nanette / June 26, 2019
You remember that time on “Insecure” when Molly was on a date with this guy and he inquired about her previous relationship...and she reluctantly confessed that she had been involved with a married man who was in an open relationship but she still had gotten hurt because “he led her on” ? And do you then remember how her date responded: “So, a married man led you on?”
Oooooh...TO THIS DAY that one line gives me LIFE! I posted it on Twitter and engaged in several conversations about how stupid Molly was and how her date was right (and fiiiine! If you don’t watch “Insecure”, seeing that man answer the door with his shirt off and hair down is worth the price of an HBO subscription all by itself) but I digress lol. For months I cackled thinking about how Molly played herself and how stupid she was to fall for a married man.
Then I met “him”. Lets call him Reginald.
I had had a crush on “Reginald” since the first time I heard him speak. He was so elegant and so dang on SMART that he literally made me want to have every one of his beige babies! To be fair, I knew he was married, and I was fine with that. I just had a crush on a guy I thought was cute, no big deal, right? It was all innocent fun. Then my birthday came and he reached out to wish me “Happy Birthday”. After that, we started communicating through Facebook on and off. I remember the first time we had a real conversation through our inboxes. I literally caught on fire down below and was like “Jai, what is going on with you baby?”
I now know it was loneliness mixed with a smidge of horniness...but I digress...
Over the next few weeks we started talking more on a regular basis. For the first full month he never mentioned his wife, so I started doing a little digging and found that it looked like they had broken up. Then he started to say little things that suggested that they were already divorced. Then I found out the truth, their marriage was strained but they were still together. I should have walked away then but I didn’t. Over the next few months, Reginald and I grew extremely close. By now we were talking on a daily basis, but I kept things above board, shutting down any feelings I had. I actually believed we could just be friends.
It was around this time that Reginald’s wife decided to move out. When I heard the news I ashamedly felt relieved, like maybe he wasn’t lying to me and maybe, just maybe, if we did things the right way and waited it out, we could actually be together. We went out a few times as friends but since I knew that he was technically still married, I kept a tight cap on my feelings.
One night we were out to dinner with a mutual friend from out of town. I loved watching the way Reginald engaged in conversation...how he spoke and broke his thought process all the way down, providing receipts for every point he made in such a refined but relatable way. You could tell that he was used to talking with people of different mindsets, pedigrees and backgrounds. He was a natural born leader and that night...well that night I saw Reginald in a different light. That night I fell in love with a married man.
Everything was wonderful until...until he realized I didn’t want to be his side piece. Even though my friends tried to warn me, I soon realized that Reginald had NO intentions of divorcing his wife. I was dumbfounded. Here he was professing feelings to me, plus the fact that his wife had moved out AND he had confessed that he had no desire to chase her this time (apparently they had separated before)...BUT in HIS MIND she was still his wife and the only spot for me was as a side piece. I was slowly starting to realize that Reginald had never planned to be a couple with anyone but his wife, who had left him months ago and had since moved on with her life. He may have been in serious denial but he was hoping that she would come back and forgive him like she always did.
That’s when if hit me...I wasn’t “the one”. I was the REBOUND!
We’ve all heard of the “rebound chick”. Her purpose is to help the guy get over his ex. And that’s exactly what happened! As soon as Reginald realized his wife was gone for real for real, so was he. He started pulling away and creating all of this space between us and when I confronted him about it, he called me angry and said that “my anger” was why we could never be together as a couple. He also kept insinuating that me calling him out on his BULL and lies when he tried to play me to the left in front of people was disrespectful cause “he was a private person" to which I replied, "No boo, you are a SNEAKY person". I told him from the jump, "I may be a mistress, but I will NEVER be a secret." See, I understand that most men don't know how to be single...they have to line up the new before they get rid of the old, so sometimes relationships overlap. Cool. But what I don't do is hush hush love. Luther said it best: "your secret love will never be your true love." I guess Reginald thought I was playing until the day I bounced. When he realized I was done for real this time, he tried to change the narrative of what really was happening and started trying to cover his tracks, but see the way my receipts were set up...
Then he did the unthinkable...once when he tried to play me to the left in front of company and I snapped off on him, he actually let these words come out his mouth: "We are always fighting, but that’s just what brothers and sisters do!”
Walking away from Reginald was the hardest thing I ever did, but I know it had to be done. Ironically, I don’t regret the time we spent together. I met a lot of cool people and I know God used it (yes I’m bringing God into this lol) to show me I was actually capable of loving someone deeper than I ever had before.
I haven’t talked to Reginald in a while, and so I don’t know what’s going on with his marital status, and for the first time in a long time, I REALLY DON’T CARE! I pray he’s happy and has finally let go of the past. I just pray that before he starts anything new, that God delivers him from being an arrogant and narcissistic sociopath!
You thought I was going to say something warm and cuddly, didn't you?
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